REPENTANCE - Episode IV

Days rolled by and it had been close to 7 months now. Haritha made a few decisions not to think about her past and was getting accustomed to the new life. One evening she was checking her mails. There were around ten mails floating on top of her mailbox received in the past one week, all from the same person. Yes, they were from Vimal, Haritha’s ex boy friend. She was so thrilled for a moment but then realised that she did not belong to him anymore.

She decided to delete all of them at one shot, but that was not easy for her to do. She quickly clicked on one of them which read,

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’’ Just a formal Hi or an affectionate dear, I don’t know how to address you Haritha. I can only blame my fate and bad luck. It’s too late now and I have been living a depressed life all through. It is just too hard to be away from you and I mean it.

I know you will be surprised to receive a letter from me but I had no choice. Your thoughts have been constantly running in my mind for months now gushing like a wind in my heart. Every time I think of you, I am hit with conflicting emotions and I do not know how to express myself. My day starts and ends with you.

My passion towards you in an extreme state can be scary; I know you would almost want to shut it away for the fear that it will eventually destroy you. But, I can only think of my feelings and love for you. You opened my eyes and made me realise how love should feel. Now when I wish to perceive it the way you wanted me to see, you’re not with me.

Even though sadness and desperation are with me all the time, I always hope that you would drive them out from my life. I apologize to you a thousand times. Please do not consider this mail as nonsense. I know it is ridiculous but I m crying in pain.

Haritha, can you imagine the pain of something that you had virtually owned for years, now being snatched away? That is how I lost you. I only want you to be with me as a friend, and help me cope up with my life. This sentence may sound really funny.... but I m forced to name it this way.

All that I want is to hear from you once. Will you speak to me? Don’t leave me alone. Understand that I m not being a barrier between you and your partner, I m just pleading you not to jump out of your past life when I m still drowning in it.

Haritha’s Vimal (Couldn’t help this one Haritha)

(This was the signature Vimal used when they shared mails before her marriage)

At this juncture, Haritha was all tears. She at once logged off. Her head began to spin and she was unable to rest at one place. But she was not emotionally strong to delete the mail. The night went by and she dint reveal this to her husband. The next morn she again sat down to read it. This time she was much more patient and intended to reply as well.

Vimal,

I don’t want you to suffer. It’s high time now for you to realise that we are more like strangers because of the kind of past relationship we had, which cannot transform and take any shape now. Please have a positive approach towards your life and I ll pray for you. Take care.

Bye,

Haritha

Though Haritha made her mail simple and clear, she felt like speaking lots to Vimal. She made herself aware of the position she was in. She didn’t want to invite trouble into her smoothly running life as she was happy with Aurav’s approach on this issue. She tried to forget but with slight anticipation, she kept checking her mails for Vimal’s reply. At times her mind became numb about the thoughts of her present life and she frequently remembered her past.

As expected she did receive a mail back from Vimal.

Haritha,

I am really happy. Thanks for the reply. It feels as if I m isolated from everyone and worried that I would die without hearing your voice. Can you please call me once? Just once and then I am deciding on my destiny. I m waiting.....Please don’t make this wait unsuccessful like the one I made for you and finally gave up.

Call me at +07433356798

Vimal

This time it was tough for Haritha. She was not for it. She had a wavering mind and realised that it wouldn’t be right if she decided to speak to him. Some gut feeling in her kept forcing her to call him but she was very conscious not to. She tried to be ignorant about this but she really couldn’t. Finally after a lot of thinking, it was just NO, NO and NO. She kept receiving mails from Vimal for the next 3 days, requesting her to call him.

This didn’t seem to end and so Haritha gave up. She as well couldn’t rest her mind in anything. ‘’Let me call him once and get everything sorted’’, she said to herself. The next day as soon as Aurav left to work, she took her mobile and started dialing Vimal’s number. It was too early to call him, thinking of this, she finished all her work and then called him. The mobile rang thrice and reached voice mail. She dropped the call and in a few minutes, she got a call. Vimal’s number was flashing on her mobile screen.

Haritha was very nervous. Her Heart beat tremendously fast. With slightly trembling fingers, she pressed the green button on her phone.

Repentance - Episode III

It was Friday and this was exactly two months after Aurav and Haritha got wedded. They used to spend time out on Friday nights. They generally visit a friend’s house or step into a restaurant for dinner. But Aurav was disturbed because of his wife’s prolonged silence and had no idea of making it out for dinner that evening. He was crushing his brain to somehow know what was wrong. He tried to recollect if it was anything to do with his past that was affecting her but no; he had hardly any affairs or noticeably strong incidents.

Haritha always had the memory of Vimal in her mind, heart and soul and it kept reappearing now and then. It was unimaginable for her to realise that she was married to a stranger. But on the other hand, she pitied her husband. He was so patient with her and she wanted to confess whatever was in her mind. Haritha also realised that in the two months that they were together now, Aurav had not troubled her for any reason nor had he been harsh to her under any circumstance.

Aurav returned home late that evening. He prepared his coffee as usual and went in to see what Haritha was doing. She was penning down something in her diary. He went closer, sat next to her and said ‘Listen Haritha, I m sure I have been loyal to you. If there is something that’s troubling you, please tell me.... I m your better half and I m ready to share any kind of emotion that you have suppressed within you’’. He further added,’’ I had imagined a very cheerful married life, but till now it has only been grey. If you wish to spend some time home, please visit India and be back once you get a feeling that your husband is longing for you’’.

‘’I m worried that both of us have lost our lives for no reason, Is it a sin for a newly wedded guy to dream about spending joyful days with his girl. Every time I touch you, I just want you to feel my expression of love for you, but you are trying to get away from me’’. Haritha could realise the pain in his voice. At once she held him close and cried out loud as if she was shedding all her worries and pains on him. Her cry continued for about five minutes and Aurav tried to pacify her.

Haritha wiped her eyes and said, ‘’some relationships like ours are fast-paced and result in hurried weddings. But I always had a feeling that mine seemed almost choreographed to follow a certain path that was prepared long ago by destiny. When I tried to be sincere and honest in demanding it, I was cheated.

Aurav sensed a slight shiver by what his wife said. ‘’Just the way my parents cheated me, I cheated Vimal’’, sighed Haritha. Aurav felt heavy on hearing the reason behind his wife’s silent protest. On the other hand, he also had great hope and confidence that he could bring her out of this mindset.

She continued, ‘’Vimal was an articulate and intelligent guy. We studied together in the same college. As I grew to know him better, I was astounded at my need to share things with him as a friend and partner. We decided to take up the journey of life together’’. She lowered her tone and continued,’’ My mind spun when we were together as we talked of our personal goals and our desires for life in the future.......... Fate separated us and we are now miles apart’’.

Haritha further shared her entire past with Aurav. ’’All that you have to do now is to accept me as your partner and get going dear. I understand the suffering your going through and I m sure I can fill the gap’’, assured Aurav. He felt this was the usual pre-marriage happening and it did not mean something big. Haritha was surprised by her husband’s approach and she was feeling much better.

Haritha spoke to her mom regarding all that had happened and Madhu had a big burden thawed out of her mind. She was really satisfied and happy with the way Aurav had taken things. She further insisted Haritha to live a compatible life with Aurav and be an ideal partner to him. Haritha realised this and gradually settled into the new life.

Now the days seemed more colourful and bright for the couple. However, Haritha did not give her 100 pct living with Aurav. Outings were more frequent and the couple had taken quality time now in understanding each other.